"Everyone knows the more you wear pearls, little by little they become real....And isn't it the same with memories?" - The Madwoman of Chaillot

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Fall - clinging to it

It's like waking up and saying, "wow I lived to see another day" - the sun is out, the sky is blue, the leaves are still colorful and on the trees - ok, some of them are.... Its going to be in the 60's for a few days! Fall is still with us, and holding on! Knowing winter is coming makes it all the more precious. Every day I wake up and see that Fall has lived to see another day - I feel happy, can't regret summer's passing when Fall is so beautiful and cooperative....

The first snow will be fun too but it then brings the long winter. I thought seriously lately of moving away from here when we retire - and still could do that. But right now I think this is not so bad. I can handle winter and at least the threatened global warming won't make it intolerably hot here....and its a kind, wonderful state, and I know everything about it, and besides it's me.... Familiar is good too.

The last days of fall...

Thursday, October 23, 2008


I've had such a down feeling about this whole election year. Sure, its great to have the possibility of historical events - first black (or even half-black) man to run for president, first woman to almost be nominated, 2nd woman to run for vice president, a man running for president that I wished had won the nomination 8 years ago....but just not happy with any of them. I was actually thinking of not voting for the first time since I was 21.

For years I've always said I favored the Libertarian party but never really put my money or vote where my mouth and mind were. Today I did. I registered with the Libertarian party and donated.... Now I'm going to vote and be happy about it! Bob Barr is not perfect, but at least his party says what I believe in.... and its making me smile all day.... that's priceless. :)

Monday, October 20, 2008


After years of accumulating things, one of my favorite activities now is cleaning stuff OUT of the house. My kids can't come over without me giving them piles of things and saying "take it or I'm throwing it out". And I've been giving away several large boxes EVERY time I get a call from Disabled American Vets or Epilepsy Foundation or whoever wants to pick up used household goods. I try to fill the trash can every week. Things I once couldn't part with are now easily discarded. I've given away formal dinnerware I never use (to my sister who does) and many of the clothes that I hoped would fit again some day are hopefully being used by someone who can fit in them now.

So far the effect has not been dramatic though - there is always more stuff to fill every drawer I empty. But it does already feel just a little bit lighter. If I keep it up for another 20 years, maybe my kids won't have quite as much to sort through and to throw out.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Siberian cats -or why do I do this to myself?

Today I am concentrating on kittens.... there have been a lot of issues in my breed of cats - Siberian Cats and I've thought a lot about why I will or will not continue breeding. Why not? Its a lot of work, a lot of struggling to keep the house from smelling when there are a bunch of cats and a dozen kittens, its like having a dairy farm - you can never leave - I've cancelled a trip to take care of a sick kitten.... Also some of the issues make one think of quitting - health issues in the breed although I haven't had those hit me so far, political ("catty") issues between breeders.... I've spent thousands on cats that could not be used as breeders due to health issues or less than ideal temperament. Now its harder to defend after giving those reasons but maybe a picture or two will help.

The kittens are unbearably cute! "Too cute to live" my daughter calls it. I woke up this morning to kittens running all over my bed - so much better than an alarm clock.

But the very best reason - I'm helping to provide something (a cat) to people who otherwise might not be able to have one due to allergies. These cats do not cause as many allergic reactions. I've spend hundreds of dollars testing my cats and trying to be sure I am breeding the lowest possible allergen creating cats, that are also healthy and have great personalities. It can be stressful trying to put all that together but very very rewarding when it all works out.... And did I mention my vet loves me - I'm sure I'm their best (biggest anyway) customer.... Here is a picture of our Oksana, a retired breeder living with a family with allergies who otherwise could not have a cat...

In a way I love the whole process although ask anyone in my family what I'm like when a cat is due - the 2-3 days before the birth are always stressful. Sick cats are as bad as a baby being sick - they can't tell you if it hurts, in fact they are worse because they try to hide the fact. But there are many more good days than bad....

Friday, October 17, 2008


I tried to find something witty or something meaningful to use as my title or my URL - and was just amazed at how many things were taken!! And also how many had signed up, done one entry and months or years later still had never gone back to it.

My real inspiration for doing this was a feeling of needing to sort things out in my life....getting my life in order I guess. And when I read the quote by John Paul II, someone I very much admired, it really was very meaningful to me. It is the fine line we walk in trying to be good people, to be God's people, to do right, to do well, to help others, to live as we should, to be happy. How to balance all that? Seemed easier when there was a tougher balancing job in some ways. The things I worried about then were much more daily needs - feeding kids, changing diapers, driving to piano lessons, making dinner, paying bills, making sure homework was done, budgeting what we could afford.

Now I feel like I really need all my ducks in a row....just getting through the day and filling up myself with things I want or fancy is maybe not enough. I'm going to try not to keep dwelling on age and death but more just a sense of setting my life in the right path now that the guidelines are less clear and and daily chores less demanding.

Blogging - Reflections

It takes a little courage to blog honestly - even though 90% of blogs are never read by anyone other than the person who wrote it. But here I am for anyone who wants to know the inside me.... I pretty much write for myself but am willing to share that with anyone who cares to know.

A pretty picture for this post - of reflections - this one is a 4AM sunrise at my family's lake condo reflected in the windows. The one in the header above is the boat docks at the end of the season in early morning fog.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hiking in NorthCarolina

This was last month but still wonderful and testing the use of mobile blogging.
It worked! Very cool.
North Carolina is a place I would love to retire. But I alternate between that and just taking the easy/cheaper road of staying where we are and spending money on other things. The day in the mountains was so rejuvenating though - still wish I could live there....


The fall weather always makes me think of life going by - faster and faster these years. Its like trying to hold liquid in your hands, it just slips quickly through no matter what you do.

And being in my 50s makes me think of how uncertain life is - a few contemporaries have died, and even though most people live at least another 20 years past this age, there is no longer that strong knowledge that the young have that you have LOTS of, almost endless time still. It reminds me of when I was in college - four set years. After the first year, it was a little hard to believe a year had gone by but it was a full and eventful year and there were still three more! YAY! Each year it got harder but the end of junior year, it was time to panic. So quickly three years had passed and only one left..... I feel like that's where I am now in life....on the last step.

And my children are all already older than junior year in college. How could two of them have graduated from college three years ago now?